To prepare for my live stream appearance, last night I watched the LATB Live Stream on Twitch. The commentator was Tuch and he responded to the majority of my questions on the Chatbox, so thanks for that bud. It was a really entertaining show. The show was from 8 PM to 10PM, exactly 2 hour shows now. TBH, the 5/5 game played out really standard. I’ve played a few of those people on last nights show, and basically what you see is what you get. I feel pretty good about playing this. With a full buy, I can open more hands, and the stats showed that there was pretty much no 3-betting going on pre. I can exploit this.
Outside of poker, I haven’t been doing much this last week or so. I’ve been trying to jog a bit more in addition to hitting the gym to get the bad chemicals out of my system, including caffeine. Starting to run might have been a terrible mistake though. I have shitty shoes, and possibly bad knees. I found out after my 4th running session, and now both my left knee and left ankle hurt like a bitch. I’m now unable to work out, and I feel more sluggish than before I started working out for real. I don’t have insurance, so I can’t go see a physiotherapist without incurring high costs, so I’ll just buckle through it.
This is me: Peaks of high motivation, followed by feelings of apathy and futility. So what if I work hard on my game? I’m pretty sure I’ve peaked, this is most likely the highest stage of poker I can win at. This limits me to approx. 35k-50K a year (if I become good at BRM), and I could go broke with a wave of bad variance. I can’t leave my fate up to fate, if you know what I mean.
For those of you who don't follow my pokerforum thread, over the summer the love of my life and I have part ways, putting me into a really dark place. I've literally contemplated over how much my life is really worth, and if anyone would even miss me if I were gone. The sad reality I've come to realize is, besides my parents, no one else would show up to my funeral. I've probably been living life the wrong way, I'm doing something wrong if I haven't acquainted myself with peers that truly care about my well being.
I’m working on convincing my Xgf to meet with me sometime this month, if anything, just for a proper explanation and closure. I know she still cares for me at least a little, that much is apparent. She really was the best thing in my life. I’m sure there’s an adage like this somewhere, but “The right people make life worth living.”